Day 23: If You Want to Eat 2000 Dead Animals....

I left you last night just before heading to my 3rd goodbye enkai. Before I introduced you to one of the first words I ever learnt in Japanese: NOMIHOUDAI (飲み放題). Nomihoudai means all you can drink and it is generally what you get at big parties in Japan and it is going to be one of the things I miss about Japan. That said I do understand the limitations there would be in the west. Mostly that after the first night the restaurant would go under.

That is unless they do decide to give the size of glasses that they give you in at a Japanese all you can drink.

Anyone who knows me knows that I find the best form of size measurement is comparing things to my head

Isn't he so cute and small

So we ate, drank and were generally very merry. I am sure you have all heard that rice is great if you want to eat 2000 of something. What you haven't heard is that SHIRASU is great if you want to eat 2000 animals. SHIRASU is this wondrous pizza topping:

It was actually really delicious

Shirasu in English is Whitebait or just tiny sardines. Now these are great as I say if you want to eat 2000 of something, or more to my taste, want to hold more dead things than you have ever held before. As you can see:

Each time the most dead things I have ever held, I decided to stop after 4 packs before I went mad with power

Moving on....,the food was pretty good and then half way though Kelsey and I gave speeches in Japanese. I being the organised man I am, spent the afternoon writing my speech, typed it up and printed it out. I then proceeded to leave that printed out speech in my apartment when I left to go to my enkai.

Fortunately we arrived early and I managed to recall about 90% of it from memory and gave a not terrible speech about how I will miss Japan and my friends in my evening class. Then we received some pretty awesome leavers presents.

This turns out to be the first time I have ever received flowers as a gift, Japan is still giving me firsts

I have been so lucky with my evening class, they were all such a bunch of lovely people and they really have all become my friends. Some of them took me on trips around Japan and others simply were my window to understanding life in Japan. They were always open, kind and honest and really allowed me to know Japan. I will never forget them and as I told them last night, they are always welcome to visit me in the UK any time they want.

Oh and they also taught me that saying "My house is your house" in Japanese doesn't make any sense.

That was last night, today I had an interview, this is a good thing, but also rather confusing because I'm relieved that I might have a Job but terrified at having to do a Skype interview for the first time.

I have found leaving Japan to be just as terrifying as coming here was, but for different reasons. Coming here I was worried about not knowing the language or the culture, not having friends and just generally how I would survive being completely alone and not understanding anything. As you can tell, I survived.

Returning home is a different fear. When I came to Japan I had a job, a home and a life pretty much set out before me. I may not have been able to tell the difference between cat food and human food but I knew I would have a job and a roof over my head. Coming home I know I can deal with the day to day stuff, but where and how I will be living I don't know. So just having a job interview is relieving as hopefully the fears of being homeless and jobless can soon be put to rest.

Turns out that even in Japan cat food pretty much just look like cat food anywhere

I felt the interview went well and hopefully I will hear back soon, but either way it's promising and helpful to know I can get to the interview stage. Oh, and of course, because Japan is always going to make me seem like a bit of a weirdo 2 things happened that would be fine in Japan but in an interview make me look a bit crazy.

1st- I was talking, made a mistake then said "sumimasen" the Japanese for sorry, I then corrected myself and got a bit flustered about looking weird, which of course, made me look weird.

2nd- I don't know how many times it happened but as I was saying goodbye I realised I was bowing like crazy, I'm sure I bowed loads of times in the interview and didn't even notice.

I just hope that they didn't end the interview and then say, "Oh he was a great candidate and he would be great for the job, but he mumbles to himself and bows like he has a problem. Nah lets just get someone else."

Day 24: Meet my Archnemesis and a Cute Dog

I may have not mentioned SOFTBANK (I'm not shouting ust thats's their name) before, but I think I would remember if I had, and you most certainly would. This is because I hate them, they are a phone company and they also supply my internet. I feel there are many things I dislike or even hate in Japan, Some have a good reason and some don't. I feel that my hatered of SOFTBANK has the most legitimate reason.

First an introduction:

No caption needed.

I hear you, what's not to love? They have a talking dog who is the father of the family, they have a black son in law and in this advert they also have the legendary Tommy Lee Jones. And I totally agree with you, the Adverts are some of the best, I love them and the dog is awesome. In fact I have a fair amount of SOFTBANK paraphernalia. One thing must be said for SOFTBANK, they know what is cute and that people like cute. 

SO cute!

All is good so far. Also, they are one of the only companies with English speaking staff and if none of their staff speak english they have a phone number for you to call. Add that to the fact they have not only a gaijin but a black gaijin in their advert they seem like quite a forward thinking and foreigner friendly company. 

They are by no means as overtly bad as ANA

And they are, until it comes time to renew your contract or buy one with less than 2 years on your visa, as I did last September. That is to say that for gaijin to get a new contract for a phone, as I did when the iPhone 5S came out, you are required to have a minimum of 26 months left on your visa. That is on a 24 month contract. They expect 2 months longer than the contract is for! There is no option of changing it to a year contract, or opting to pay more each month. The only option is paying flat out for your phone or no phone. 

If this were industry standard I would still take issue with it, but it would be easier to accept. However, when I went to their rival company, AU, I expected the same thing however all they required was 90 days left on your visa. They spoke no English and have no foreigners in their adverts, but this really is a situation where action speaks louder than words. 

It was fairly apparent to me that SOFTBANK had a very clear "We don't trust foreigners" attitude

Not quite so cute now is he?

Anyway, I only bring this up because today I had to go about getting my internet turned off before I leave. This has nothing to do with me being a gaijin but I felt I should explain the legitimacy of hating this company. And now I can add to the list that they inconvenienced my Japanese mother and I for more than 2 hours today just trying to arrange the cancelation of a service I have had for 3 years. It was very frustrating, but Torii-sensei took it all in her stride and just laughed that it was an interesting experience. I owe her so much. 

Anyway, that was a much longer explanation than needed. However, it does give a slight insight into one of the reasons I can't foresee a future for me in Japan. I love Japan, and nearly everyone I meet is lovely and kind and friendly, I have made amazing friends here and I will be returning in the future (If for nothing else, so I can get some real ramen!). However, there is always an awareness of ones otherness, the fact that we aren't Japanese, that we are thought to be intrinsically different. Also, the fact that there is very little recompense for such behaviour by companies.

Japan will always be another home for me, but unfortunately, I would never be able to feel truly at home here. That being said I will be leaving a piece of my heart here, I know I will, and I know there will always be a strange incomplete feeling I get knowing that it is out there. 

Maybe if I am lucky, one day a lone adventurer will find it and it will help them on their quest. Like this guy. 

If you don't get the reference you had a very deprived childhood, go out and get a Wii and a game of Zelda NOW, seriously, stop reading, don't even worry you are in you slobbing around the house clothes and go buy it

Moving on, I have my 3rd Goodbye Enkai tonight with my evening class students, this one I'm going to have to make a small speech in Japanese to everyone. Wish me luck, I'll update tomorrow with how it went, hopefully there won't be any embarrassing mistakes of language like the time I told a guy I hated his painting when I meant to say it was beautiful. Sigh......

Day 25: It's like I'm actually leaving

(EDIT: So I finished this last night but them my computer froze and I decided that I would rather sleep than fight with my computer after midnight to post this, apologies)

Not the most thrilling of days I'm afraid, I had school as normal. It was a little strange because with only 8 classes left I have started getting the students to write welcomes to the new ALT. It's like I'm really going.

After that I had to get Torii-sensei, my Japanese mother, to sort out getting my utilities turned off. EXCITING. For the rest of the day I just had to keep getting everything ready for the woman who will be taking over from me after I leave.

I realise that I never gave an overview of my final month, as you can tell from this weekend it is pretty full, it is full of events, goodbye parties and final trips to fully round of my 3 years here. I am doing the following:

• 6 Farewell Enkais
• Climbing Mt. Awagatake 4 more times to reach 30
• 4 Day Road trip to Nagasaki visiting a few cities on the way
• Climbing Mt. Fuji for a second time
• Travelling to Tokyo for a few days before flying home
• Giving a speech in Japanese to my whole school

Oh and if you have seen this video, I realised that in my town there is a bird sanctuary that this was filmed at so i really should include that on my list too.

On top this I still have 2 weeks of classes, 2 more evening classes and 2 more karate classes. I never did make it past white belt. 

I look formidable don't I

I am also making a bit of a bucket list of food, but so far it just consists of my favourite ramen shop and the one i went to for my ramen challenge.

So thats it for today, short, sweet, lots of information and a transforming owl, what more could you want?

Day 26: 30th times the charm

I think I should start with an apology, the last 2 days I haven't been what you would call on the ball with he whole blogging thing. That said I was on top of the whole leaving party thing so that pretty nice.

So firstly on Friday all those leaving the prefecture had a ceremony where we were thanked for participating in the JET programme, and then given certificates. After that the leavers went for a meal and drinks with other people on the JET programme. This is the first of 6 leaving parties that I have over the next 2 weeks. oh how tough my life is!

Now for a greater explanation than the 5 pictures I posted yesterday.

Firstly if you recall my friend Kelsey and I decided it would be a good idea to take on a challenge to climb a local mountain 30 times so that we could get our name on the wall of the café at the top of the mountain. If this blog has taught me anything it's that challenging to do something 30 times is not always a good idea.

We have done well and yesterday I had to climb the mountain solo the 27th and 28th times.

 

Welcome to the worst spot the difference ever, the photos I took at the top of each time. Hint: It's all in the eyes, you can see I lost the will to climb somewhere between the 2 photos

I'm not sure if you can tell, but if you can't you're blind, it was hot and i am sweaty, like really far to hot to be doing anything more strenuous than turning on the AC, but I had a challenge to do so my stubbornness won and I climbed the mountain.

As soon as I was done there I had to rush home and prep for a goodbye party (Number 2 for those who are counting) that I had decided to host. I have been here for 3 years and in that time many friends have come and gone. It is sadly the nature of the JET programme, everyone is coming on their own time lines and every year people leave and get replaced. However, my Japanese friends have been a constant, which has been incredibly reassuring, as well meaning I now have definite friends for life. I wanted to cook a meal for them and thank them for everything they have done for me.

I invited them and a few other JETs to mine for dinner. I then had the dilemma of what to cook for 16 people. to further complicate matters my kitchen is not built for cooking for more than a few people. I have 2 hobs and one tiny electric oven.

Photo of kitchen not included: This is either because its now unbelievably messy after the party or I'm lying and i have a glorious marble kitchen and I don't want to show you I'm lying. You decide which. 

What can an Englishman cook then for that many people in this situation? Only one real answer to that isn't there?

Can you guess what I made?

That's right, Bangers and Mash, really get the Japanese to understand how British food can look unbelievable unappetising but is surprisingly not too bad.

I also made some nice caramelised onion gravy to go with it and that's what this pic was all about:

Something something before and after joke

It all went down fairly well as you can see with the sheer level of excitement and party atmosphere going on in this picture:

I know what you're thinking, This looks crazy fun, all the smiles and banter.

You may also wonder where any of the Japanese people are, well they had already left before this photo was taken but honestly I think they and fun, and they seemed to like the bangers and mash. All in all a success, but bloody weird to think that its the last time I'll be hosting something like this in Japan.

Onto today, today was another last, but this one a little more joyous that the previous one.

It's not exactly my name up in lights but it will do for now

 Yep, that's exactly what it looks like, and if you can't tell what it looks like I'll tell you. That is Kelsey's and my name up on the wall of the café at the top of the mountain. We have officially climbed it 30 times and people throughout the ages who visit that café will think "What the hell did 2 gaijin climb this mountain 30 times for?"

And that's all you need to know about today cause I honestly believe that was quite the accomplishment, and we were lucky enough to get a photo with the 2 old ladies who run the café, they were always very sweet and encouraging.

No witty comment, nothing but respect for these awesome women

Day27: This is absolutely lip service

So I have had a crazy busy day, so I will give you a few pictures out of context and then explain it all tomorrow.

Day 28: let the Enkais begin (first of 6 in 2 weeks)

Ok, so this is a bit of a quick one. Here is the lowdown (yeah I don't think anyone uses that term any more) of my day. 

Wake up

2 classes

Organise how to cancel my utilities

Drive home

Drive Kelsey and I to another friends place

3 of us drive to the prefectural government

Go to the practice for the leavers ceremony

Actually do the leavers ceremony

Go back to friends for a shower and going out prep

Go out for a leavers enkai (leavers party)

Seriously, I had no time between those! But let me tell you about a certainty of Japan. There are many things that will happen to everyone in Japan, especially if you are a gaijin. You will always be asked if you eat sushi, people will always be amazed if you can use chopsticks and there will always be an opening/welcome ceremony and a closing/goodbye ceremony for everything! Like seriously EVERYTHING!

Today was our leavers ceremony, because of the perfectionism of Japan you of course practice how to bow first (Heaven forbid after a year in Japan you don't know how to do that!) then they run through the itinerary and then you actually do the ceremony.

Because I'm busy and have no photos let me tell you about lunch

  I don't know how to write a caption on mobile, hope this works! (EDIT: In case you can't tell It didn't work)

It was delicious summer ramen, you dip the cold noodles into the hot broth and it's great, not too hot not to cold, amazing! The meat was crazy tender too, like melt on your mouth tender. I am going to miss this like mad.

Sorry for the short post, gotta go celebrate my first goodbye of many. 

Day 29: Häagen-Dazs I have a great new reviewing style for you! Freebies???

Have you ever had to grammar check a speech about yourself? How about be asked to add some nice adjectives to it? What about be told that they really want adjectives that show off how kind, polite, intelligent and basically down right awesome you are? 

No? Well neither had I until today. Now at first this may sound like a humble brag, and in a way I suppose it is (Jesus this is my blog, you would think I was allowed one or two). This may also sound awesome, but to an Englishman, even one as immodest as I have been known to occasionally be, I found this to be one of the most awkward moments ever. And, if you know anything about british TV or movies it is a British persons worst nightmare. Not to mention our comedies bread and butter!

Pretty much all of The Office and Extras is how I Felt this morning

While being asked to do this i just sort of nodded, smiled then looked off into the distance pretending to think but instead just hoping the moment would end and that the teacher asking would come up with anything i could give a very sincere sounding "hmmmmmm.... yes, i think that sounds ok"when in reality had she suggested "Steve is an insufferable waste of space and we shall be glad to see the back of his ugly head." I still would have agreed to it. Not if she called me fat though, thats the line!

Can't argue with that!

So, moving on, I promised to answer the question "Why am I leaving?" Let me tell you now, the stuff such as the weird ice creams and 1 month of ramens etc., that actually has a little to do with it, but maybe not in the way you might think.

I love that stuff, I live for the weird stuff in Japan, the new and exciting foods, places or moments. However, they are now coming fewer and further between. Having been here for 3 years I now recognise the seasonal drinks, look forward to the summer pineapple alcohol, the mikan (tangerine) season and so much more. I am not surprised when I see strange and weird things. The things that used to be weird to me, brushing your teeth at work, not turning on the AC until it is over 30 degrees, shouting IRASHAIMASE whenever someone enters a shop and so on, are no longer strange to me. I still don't get any of them, but they don't have they air of wonder any more.

But I totally got the Slurping thing DOWN, in fact that is going to be hard to stop when I'm in the UK

In short my life here has sort of become exactly that, a life. It feels less and less like an exciting adventure and more like a regular everyday life. And I feel that at that point I have to make the decision: If I am starting to make a life, what do I want from that. Unfortunately, Japan is not what I want for my future life. I'll explain more about what I do want another time, but for now, I know Japan isn't it.

Now don't get me wrong, there are many upsides to it not feeling like an adventure, I feel at home here, I have a Japanese mother, and I feel like Japan very much is a second home to me. Much like my real home country, I can say anything I like about it, but if you, an outsider were to be in any way disparaging about it I would defend it to the hilt.

I like the etymology of "to the hilt" and wanted to eloquently show it to you with my sweet drawing skills

I have concluded that this must be where the term "mother country" comes from from, cause I can call my own mother fat all day long, but if you once call her fat I'm going to punch you in the face. (Mum, you aren't fat, I never called you fat! Sorry!) And now I have 2 mothers and 2 mother countries and if you call any of them fat I'm going to be mighty upset. Or if you call me fat for that matter. Remember the line!

Well, with all those real thoughts and feelings and stuff boring you lets jump straight back to this crazy ice cream I mentioned.

There is a joke somewhere here about it looking like vomit and carrots always being in vomit, just imagine I made it and laugh

Yup thats right, some of you guessed it (by some i mean one, and she was the only person to guess, but shhhhhh), its's carrot and orange ice cream. Sorry did I call it ice cream, what i want to call it is an abomination, but that would be unfair to this guy:

For those who don't recognise him, he is one of The Hulks enemy's called Abomination (The best jokes are the ones you explain!)

Lets just call it Häagen-Dazs's affront to humanity. Now I have eaten a LOT of weird food, I ate insects in Thailand, I have eaten jelly fish, I'm working my way through as many edible mammals as I can, pepsi flavour crisps (remember those) the list could go on. Suffice to say I rarely won't finish something even if it tastes bad, and I firmly believe if you don't like something you should keep trying it every so often and in different situations just to affirm that you don't like it. But this little monster I couldn't even eat 10% of.

And I shan't ever be eating it again!

(Häagen-Dazs please feel free to send me free samples of your other ice creams to review with such class as comparing them to obscure comic book characters. Who knows I may compare your Green Tea flavour to The Watcher or your Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to X-23)

((Hope any of you comic book people liked those references or anyone else liked having to google them to get what I'm talking about))